


Please Don't Go

by CrayCray245



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-01-12 15:04:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18449018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrayCray245/pseuds/CrayCray245
Summary: A mistake was made. Will he be able to fix it?





	1. Losing you.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone!  
> I'm new to this so please be nice.  
> I wanted some angst in this fandom so I came up with this. I also wanted some jealous Brock since we don't really see that so here it is.  
> I Hope You Enjoy!  
> -Vika

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm here with the first chapter. I will try to base these chapters from a part of the lyrics in songs.   
> The song lyrics this chapter is based on is:
> 
> Yeah, I'm losing you  
> And I'm losing you  
>  \- Losing You - Aquilo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy. And if you do give me some love so I know if I should continue!  
> -Vika

It was one dark quiet evening in Nashville. Brock had just gotten off his plane from Toronto. All he needed was to get home to put down all of his luggage and call his boyfriend Jose to talk about the visit he was going to make tomorrow from Florida. He tried calling Jose multiple times but he wasn't picking up. Brock thought it was weird because they usually call eacother after they get home or to their hotel room after their flight no matter what time at day or night it was in their time zones at the country or state they were in. In the end Brock decided to head home, put down his luggage and visit the bar across his house.

When he got home he fed his cats and decided to check his Instagram. He was missing Jose so somehow accidentally he stummbled upon the pictures and videos Vanessa(Jose's drag name) was tagged in. And there was this one video that cought his attention emedietly. Vanessa dancing with a guy on stage in the show he did just hours ago. Vanessa wasn't just dancing but grinding on the guy. The guy clearly enjoying it. And Vanessa laughing while doing it. Then Brock saw another video with Vanessa and this guy's walking backstage together. They were holding hands. Brock's blood boiled! That's why he isn't answering. He is probably in his hotel room getting fucked by this idiot. Brock was hurt and angry at the same time. Jose was his first boyfriend and he never thought Jose would do this to him. Brock got up from his seat and tried calling Jose again. This time 3 times in a row but again without success. He threw his phone on the kitchen counter top, took his keys and left to go to the bar across the street.

 

At the bar he saw his favorite bartender named Danny and ordered a shot. Brock sat at the bar and tried to figure out what excuse would Jose give. I mean realistically thinking there has to be some kind of a reason for what happaned at the show right? Brock's mind tried to think positive but the alcohol working on him only pushing him to think negative.

 

For Danny it was normal that Brock ordered shots but what wasn't normal was the fact that Brock didn't seem to talk to him much and that he ordered a shot after a shot. Whenever Brock came to the bar they would talk for hours yet this time all he did was ask for a shot every 2 minutes. Danny tried getting him to talk but it wasn't working. Danny was worried and since he was a friend of Brock's he knew the only person that could help him even tho miles away was Jose. But little did Danny know Jose was the problem in this situation.  
So Danny walked over to the bar's office and called Jose.

"Hey Dan. What's up?" Jose said in a sleepy voice.

"Sorry to wake you but it's Brock. He is acting unusual?"

"What's wrong?" Jose emedietly sat up in his hotel bed and was all ears about what Danny was talking

"I was hoping you would tell me?"

"What do you mean?" Jose said in a concerned voice.

"He's at the bar drinking. Wich I know is normal for him but he is getting really drunk and he hasn't spoken a word to me the whole time he's been here except when asking for a shot. I tried talking to him but he is brushing it off. It seems like something is bothering him." Danny said to Jose.

"Thank you for telling me. I'll call him right now"

 

When Jose got off the phone with Danny he had 7 missed calls from Brock the last 3 being from an hour ago. Jose had obviously fell asleep from being tired before Brock could call him to talk about his visit the next day. Jose tried calling Brock but it went straight voicemail. He cussed. The best time for Brock's phone to turn off he thought to himself. Figuring out his flight to Nashville was in a few hours he tried going back to sleep but he couldn't. He was anxious. He tried calling Brock again hoping he had got home and put his phone to charge. But without any success. And like that time went on untill Jose had to get up for his flight.

*Meanwhile back in Nashville*

When Danny had returned to the bar Brock was gone. He went outside the bar to catch him but without luck he came back.  
"Hey Rob. Did you see where Brock went?" he asked to the other bartender of the night after he got back inside.

"He left with some guy less then five minutes ago." Rob said

Danny figured it's with a friend so he just went back to working thinking Jose had called Brock by now and gotten Brock's friend to get him home and get some sleep.

*The next morning in Nashville*

Brock woke up with the biggest headache In a long time. He could barely keep his eyes open with the sunlight hitting his face. He rubbed his eyes to get rid of the sleep still left in them. When he fully opened his eyes he realized he isn't in his home.  Next to him there was a naked body. He jumped up from the unfamiliar bed in shock. The memories started to showing up in his head making him remember everything from last night.  
"Fuck!" he scream-whispered. "SHIT SHIT SHIT!!!"  
He quickly found his clothes got dressed and ran out the door. He needed a moment to realize where in Nashville he was. As soon as he did he found the closest liquor store and bought himself a bottle. As soon as he walked outside the liquor store he took a drink from the bottle. The alcohol burned in his throat and he loved that feeling. He took out a cigarette from his half full pack and light it up. As soon as the smoke hit his lungs he felt relief go through his body but it was over as fast as it came because Brock started feeling guilty again.

"I cheated on Jose. I think??? I mean the guy in the bed was naked. And so was I."

Right then Brock's blood started boiling again.  
"But Jose is the one that cheated on me first!" He thought.

"I need to get home before he arrives today. That is if he doesn't decide to stay with his new boyfriend." Brock said to himself with anger rushing through his body.

As Brock walked home he cept drinking and smoking his cigarettes while his mind was full of thoughts. It felt like hours when he reached the shop next to his house where he bought more liquor and cigarettes.

***

 

Jose had just landed in Nashville. He thought Brock would pick him up like usual but there was no sign of him in the airport. Jose tried calling Brock again like he had tried many times but like before it went straight to voicemail. After getting his luggage Jose found a taxi and gave the taxi driver Brock's adress. After an hour of driving he was there. He payed the taxi driver and got out of the car, got his luggage and walked over to Brock's door. 

 

He knocked on the door and waited. There was no answer. Now Jose was getting angry. Brock knew he was coming.

“Where the hell is he?" Jose said to himself in anger. Sudden worry washing over him.  
"Did he ever get home?" Jose talked with himself again. He fished out the spare key Brock had given him months ago and unlocked the door.

 

He walked inside leaving his luggage in the corridor. When he walked inside the kitchen he saw Brock's phone on the counter top. No wonder he wasn't answering. Not only did it turn off but also he left it at home. Just incase Jose checked every room in the house still with no sign of Brock. He took his phone and called Danny. 

"Yes Hello." Danny said on the other side of the line

"Hey Dan. Do you know if Brock got home last night safely?“Jose asked

"After I called you last night I went back to the bar and he was gone. The other bartender told me he had left with some guy. Probably a friend. Why tho? Are you in Nashville?"

"Yeah. I landed more than an hour ago. He was supposed to pick me up but he didn't so I took a cab to his place but he isn't here. I also couldn't get a hold of him last night and today."

"Well I'll try to look for him. I'll give you a call if I find him." Danny said. 

"Thanks. I'll call you or text you if I find him aswell" Jose said knowing Danny was worried about him too. They have been friends ever since Brock moved to Nashville. They had bonded over drag because Danny himself was a well known drag queen named Adore Delano. Danny had moved to Nashville recently but he often came here before hand since he like this place. He works as a part time bartender in the local bar since he likes it there. It takes him away from all the crazy shit he does as Adore on stage.

 

After trying to figure out where Brock could be. Jose was ready to go looking around Nashville. But as soon as he opened the outside door. There stood Brock clearly drunk with alcohol in a shopping bag and a cigarette between his lips trying to find his keys. Jose took his phone and quickly texted Danny saying that Brock is home.

"Brock!" Jose said loudly putting his phone back in his pocket  "Where the hell have you been?"

Brock looked up and saw Jose. He was hurt, angry and emberassed. He couldn't look Jose in the eyes. He pushed Jose aside and walked inside his house. 

"Excuse me? I asked you a question!“ Jose said walking behind Brock closing the door behind him clearly getting pissed. 

"Go back to that new boyfriend of yours or whatever he is." Brock said in a drunken hurtful tone while putting down his alcohol on the kitchen counter top looking for a glass.

Now Jose really was getting angry. "What are you talking about?" he said raising his voice. He walked over Brock taking the cigarete from his mouth and  throwing it inside the sink. "And since when do you smoke inside your house?“

"Oh so now it's my house? I see that you already have decided to date that guy from the club." Brock said now raising his voice. He was even more hurt because they were used the call their places "ours". Whenever he visited Jose in LA he called his apartment theirs and whenever Jose visited him in Nashville he called Brock's house theirs. Brock poured the glass he found full of liquor and took a big sip. 

Jose clearly confused tried to figure out what Brock was talking about 

"Can you put the glass down and tell me what's wrong? Why are you acting like this?" Jose said now in a softer voice but still confused.  
Brock took another big sip of his glass finishing it.  
Anger rushed through Brock like a lightning bolt. He threw the glass in Jose's direction with all the strength he had left. The glass almost hitting Jose's head.

"What the hell is wrong with you!" Jose screamed his body being filled with anger again. 

Brock punched the counter top and slid down on the floor crying with his hands hiding his face.

Jose even tho angry softened emedietly seeing Brock in this state. He walked over where Brock was and squatted down in front of Brock.

"Baby it's okay." Jose said trying to get Brock's hands from hiding his face so Brock could look him in the eyes.

Brock started crying even more hearing Jose's words. How will it be okay? He thought to himself without allowing Jose to look him in the eyes. 

Still crying Brock said "If I wasn't enough anymore you could have just said that to me. You could have just told me that I'm not good enought and that you want me gone from your life instead of cheating on me."

Jose stopped breathing for a second. Why was Brock saying this?

"Brock, baby I would never cheat on you. What are you talking about. You are more than enough. You are my everything." said Jose still trying to get Brock's hands off his face. While Brock curled up in a ball even more pressing himself against the corner between the kitchen counter and the cabinets.

"I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry." Brock started mumbling while he cried even more.

Jose figured he won't get much out of Brock right now because he was drunk and clearly not okay.

"Brock it's okay baby. Come, get up." Jose helping Brock get up from the floor "let's go to bed. You need rest. We'll talk about it later."

Brock got up with Jose's help and they went to the bedroom. Brock had stopped crying by now. Jose helped him take of his shoes, pants and his leather jacket. Got him under the bed covers and tucked him in like a baby. 

Brock still couldn't dare to look into Jose's eyes. The guilt kicking him. He started crying again. "Please don't go. Please don't leave. Please! I need you Jose." Brock pleaded not letting go of Jose's hand.

"I'm here. I'm not leaving" Jose said softly and got under the covers next to him. Brock emedietly cuddled up to him and put his head on Jose's chest. Jose planted a kiss on Brock's head and hugged him tighter. Brock fell asleep in seconds.  
"This definitely wasn't how I planned this visit will go." Jose said to himself.


	2. Unfaithful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is based on the song lyric:
> 
> And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful  
> And it kills him inside  
> (..)  
> I don't wanna do this anymore  
> I don't wanna be the reason why  
> Every time I walk out the door  
> I see him die a little more inside  
> I don't wanna hurt him anymore  
> I don't wanna take away his life  
> I don't wanna be  
> A murderer  
> \- Rihanna - Unfaithful

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello.  
> I hope you enjoy.  
> And if you do give me some love so I know if I should continue!  
> -Vika

Brock woke up when it was already dark outside. His head still hurt and his body was screaming for a cigarette. Jose wasn't in the bed next to him. That made him uneasy but seeing Jose's luggage in the room calmed him. That let him know that Jose hadn't left.

Brock got up from the bed and took his shirt off. It was way too hot. He was sweating and he hated it. He found his cigarettes and his lighter and walked outside to his backyard. He realized he is only in his boxers but he didn't really care since his backyard was locked from the eyes outside. He sat down on the chair and lit his cigarette. 

"I should really quit smoking" he thought to himself.

After sitting there for a while Brock remembered that he'll have to talk to Jose so he got worried again. Suddenly something in his mind clicked. He threw the cigarette in the cup with water and ran inside to his bathroom. He needed to have a shower. He needed any evidence from the other guy off himself. He went under the shower stream. Boiling water hitting his skin. It hurt but he didn't care so he scrubbed and scrubbed every part of his body multiple times untill his skin felt like a wound with acid poured over it. 

After getting out the shower he looked at himself in the mirror. He saw the other guy had left a couple hickeys on his chest and one the side of his neck that. He hated it.  
"Fuck"  Brock screamed in frustration. What the hell have I done he thought. Jose will hate me.  
"I'm an idiot." 

 

***

 

After Brock had fallen asleep Jose stayed with him for a while. Why was Brock acting like this? Did he think I cheated? But why? His mind was going back and forth asking these questions untill he just told himself to stop because it wasn't helping him feel less worried. He got up from the bed slowly so he doesn't wake Brock and went to the living room to find something to do. He put Brock's phone to charge so Brock doesn't miss some buisness opurtunitities from his manager. He walked over to the couch and sat down. He felt his phone vibrating. It was Danny calling him.

"Hey."

"How is he?" Danny asked with a worried voice. 

"He is fine now. He is sleeping. He was so drunk I couldn't talk to him properly. I will later tho. He said something about me cheating on him that makes no sence because I have never and never will and he knows that. He also kept saying sorry wich felt really weird. I'm not gonna lie Dan. I'm worried." said Jose to Danny.

"Don't worry Jose. I'm sure there is an explanation. You'll talk when he wakes up and  and im sure he probably just got jealous of something. You know how he is. He is very protective of you because he loves you so much. He wouldn't be who he is without you. He's said that multiple times."

"Yeah you are right" Jose said "I'm sure he just overreacted to something at a show now that you remind me something happaned last night atcually. There was this guy I grinded on while dancing at the show. I walked backstage holding hands with him. He was a fan and told me how much I helped him come out to his family. He cried and I hugged him and was nice ofcourse. We took a photo afterwards and then security helped him out."

"That's very nice of You. Typical you. You may be crazy but you always are nice with your fans." Danny said smiling because he knows how important these conversations with a person's idol if you had the possibility to talk to them could be. 

"You know me. I love my supporters they are my people." Jose said feeling his worry go away for now remembering the guy from last night. "Well Danny I think I'm going to take a nap. I'll keep you updated." said Jose.

"Bye Jose. Take care." said Danny as he hung up.

Jose put his phone down on the small table next to the couch and found the remote control for the TV. He layed down on the couch and turned the TV on. After laying down he fell asleep in no time because of how tired he was since he didn't really sleep the night before and in the plane aswell.

 

***

 

Brock got out of the bathroom and went to his closet to find some clean clothes. He found some shorts and a t-shirt that would hide the marks on his chest and one on the side of the bottom of his neck. He didn't want Jose seeing those. "The fact I slept with someone else would hurt him enough." thought Brock.

It was time for Brock to go look for Jose. It wasn't hard because as soon as he stepped in the living room he saw Jose sleeping on the couch in an very uncomfortable position. Brock decided on not waking him not only for his own benefit but for Jose's aswell. 

"Ofcourse he was tired. He was probably worried about me not answering his calls." thought Brock. He didn't like seeing Jose sleeping in position that will give him neck cramps later so he walked over to the couch and picked him up to take him to the bed in the bedroom. Jose moved and mumbled something but Brock didn't understand what. 

"Just sleep Jose." Brock said to to him softly. 

After putting Jose on the bed he pulled covers over him and walked outside to his backyard again to have a smoke. He lit his cigarette and sat back down on the chair he had sat previously on. He felt nicotine going through his body as if it was this energy. Energy that that gave him strength. But sadly that was only for the time he was smoking. Because as soon as he is done he'll need to figure out what to say to Jose. But little did he know that he doesn't have much time because seconds later Jose walked out in the backyard over to Brock, leaned down and hugged him from behind. Jose still was confused and worried about Brock but he pushed that aside for a moment because he missed him. He felt Brock tensing up for a moment and then calming down. Jose thought it's because it was from the shock of someone out of nowhere just hugging him so he brushed it off. They hadn't seen eachother for 2 months and he's here only for couple of days untill he has to go to Florida to do a show.

Brock tensed for a second when he felt Jose hugging him. It wasn't shock but the realization Jose will want to talk soon. God he wishes that he hadn't done the stupid shit he did last night. If only he hadn't gotten jealous for what seemed to be something small. "I'm stupid" Brock thought "I as a drag queen myself should know how crazy drag shows could get. Why did I get so jealous?" he thought again. He felt tears coming so he  tried to calm down a little before talking.

"Come here." Brock said as he motioned for Jose to sit in his lap. Jose did just that putting his arms around Brock's neck. 

Brock took the last puff of his cigarette and put it in the cup with water in it. He pulled Jose closer and hugged him hiding his face in Jose's neck. They stayed like that for moment untill Brock spoke up. 

"I missed you." he said still hiding his face in Jose's neck.

"I missed you too." Jose said smiling.

They sat there for quite a while with no one speaking afterwards. Just staying in eachothers embrace. Brock's head filled with what he will say when Jose asks him for an explanation. But all he can think of is saying sorry and how much he regrets it. There is nothing to say that would make it better. There is no way he will blame it on alcohol because he's always thought that that's the dumbest excuse for cheating. He cept thinking untill Jose finally asked the question. 

"Brock, baby would you please tell me what's wrong? What happaned yesterday. I can see that something is bugging you." Jose said putting his hand on Brock's cheek and trying to look him in the eyes. Brock looked at Jose's face but avoided his eyes. 

Brock felt tears coming. This time he couldn't stop them. They were just like rain. Brock was crying without making a sound. 

 

"uhm... I need to talk to you about something." Brock said with a shaky voice. "It's not something you would want to hear but I need to say it because if I don't... " he paused trying to figure out how to say the next part. 

He took Jose's hand that was on his cheek and held it before continuing. "the guilt will kill me from the inside if I don't."

Jose tensed. He was worried about what's to come but he was ready to listen.

"I'm listening. You know you can tell me anything." Jose said squezing Brock's hand.

"This is it, the moment of truth" Brock thought.

"First I need to ask about the guy from last night that was on stage with you. The one you grinded on and went backstage together with. Who was he?“ Brock asked still avoiding Jose's eyes.

"He was a fan. We laughed on stage. And stuff. He jokely asked for a lapdance and I grinded on him for a little bit for fun. You know how drag shows get. And then we went backstage well I don't think many noticed but the reason I took him backstage was when he hugged me I could see tears in his eyes. So I took him with me to make sure he is okay right. He told be how I helped him come out and how thankful he is to me so I hugged him again took a picture with him and security took him back out." Jose explained. 

This made Brock feel more terrible then he already was feeling because all Jose did was do his job and make sure a fan of his was okay.

"God I'm so stupid!" Brock said running the free hand through his hair with anxiousness.

"Why?" Jose asked confusingly.

"Well because I believed that you cheated on me. You weren't answering your calls and I saw videos with you and the fan thinking the worst. And called you again and you still weren't answering so I thought you're probably with him. Fucking or some shit so I got angry as hell." Brock was now rambling.

"Hey, hey, hey! Calm down Brock it's okay. I can assure you I didn't cheat on you. The reason I didn't answer the phone was because I was tired and fell asleep.  
You got insecure. It's okay. I also do sometimes but it's okay. " Jose said now taking both of Brock's hands in his.

"That's the thing. It's not okay." Brock with a raised voice. "Fuck I'm sorry for raising my voice it's just..." he couldn't continue. He just couldn't. He lost everything he was going to say. 

Jose was very anxious now. He was scared on what was coming but he still encouraged Brock to speak "You can continue." 

And that was it. As soon as Brock heard Jose say that  he knew he has to tell him now or never. 

"Well... I got drunk... Well I can't blame it on the alcohol because that would be stupid" Brock could barely speak. 

"Who?" Jose screamed in shock. He understood where this was going and he was not okay eith it. No sane person would be okay with this. 

"Jose. You've got to promise me that you'll listen to the whole story before saying anything. PLEASE." Brock was desparate with tears forming his eyes again. 

"Fine. ." Jose said. He needed to know why and how. 

"Okay so I was very jealous and angry so I went to the bar. I started drinking a shot after a shot. It got to the point where Danny disappeared and this guy approached me. I had never met him before. He asked me to leave with him so I did." Brock said as he started shaking. 

"We... Uhm... went to his place and uhm." 

"We slept together." Brock said putting his head down low. 

Jose let go of Brock's hands, got up from his lap and backed away from where he was. His heart shattered in million peace. He understood where this was going but hearing the whole story just hurt him so much. Brock! Of all people to cheat on him, he thought Brock was the one who wouldn't. 

Brock looked back up again and finally looked Jose in the eyes. "I'm so Sorry! I'M SORRY! I know that it doesn't make it better but I just, I was stupid and jealous and there really isn't a good excuse. I did what I did. And I own up to it but please forgive me. PLEASE!" Brock said tears falling from his eyes like the river and putting his head in his hands. 

"How many times did you do it with him?" Jose said. He just couldn't say the word. He count say out loud that Brock had sex with someone who wasn't Jose. 

The only answer was silence. 

"I ASKED YOU HOW MANY TIMES BROCK!" Jose screamed. 

"I don't know. I don't remember." Borck said and Jose knew he was lying

"HOW MANY TIMES?“ Jose screamed again. 

Brock got op from the seat taking a step closer to Jose but Jose backed away."It doesn't matter okay. I cheated. And I regret it. 

"Answer my question Brock" Jose said angrly looking straight into Brock's eyes. Brock's heart broke seeing Jose so angry at him. He hated the feeling of Jose being angry at him. 

"3 times" Brock finally answered. 

Jose forgot how to breathe. He had to remind himself he needs to breathe so he breathed in. 

"Take your shirt off. NOW! And don't make me ask again." Jose said filled with venomous anger. 

Brock slowly took the hem of his shirt and started pulling it up. He put the shirt on the chair and looked down at the ground trying to hide Jose from seeing the marks. H3 had never felt  conscious about Jose looking at his body. But this time it was different. He was ashamed. Jose got closer and saw  the dark hickeys on Brock's chest and one on the bottom of the side of his neck. Jose couldn't believe it. The main reason he asked for this was to make sure if this is really happening. Because he knew he and Brock hadn't seen eacother for 2 months and there was no way there could be marks from him. Seeing those marks on Brock hurt more then any hurt he had felt in his life. 

"I can't believe this. I TRUSTED YOU. I fucking trusted you. Jose screamed in tears while slapping Brock's chest multiple times. "All I asked for was loyalty. Is it really too much to ask for?" he continueed after steping back from Brock. 

"I was stupid okay. I regret it so much. You have zero idea how much I regret it." Brock said. The only answer he got back from Jose was tears. Jose wasn't even looking at him anymore. He was staring at the ground.  He took a step forward trying to take Jose's arms in his. But Jose pushed them off. 

"DON'T TOUCH ME. JUST DON'T!" he screamed at him. Brock didn't listed he tried again untill Jose pushed him away so hard that Brock took a few steps backwards. 

It felt like a knife stabbed in his back. Jose has never been aggressive him. 

Jose didn't feel bad for pushing Brock off. He deserved it. 

"I'm leaving." Jose said turning and starting to walk away. Brock reacted fast. 

"NO! JOSE PLEASE STAY. I'M SORRY." he begged Jose with trying to turn him back around. They were already at the door of Brock's house. 

"IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER.  DON'T YOU GET IT? SORRY OR NOT YOU STILL DID IT. I DOESN'T CHANGE THE FACT" Jose screamed when he turned around and looked Brock in the eyes. He stayed like that for a moment  staring in Brock's eyes. Then he turned around opening the door leading outside Brock's house and walked away closing the door behind him.

Brock broke down, fell on his knees crying like he had never cried in his life.


	3. 4am

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I need a moment  
> As tears run down my eyes  
> My love has left me  
> All that's left to do is cry"  
> \- Adore Delano-4am

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. It took me a while to write this chapter because I had many ways I thought I could go with this but in the end it came out like this. Sorry if there are mistakes because I write these at night.  
> I hope you enjoy and if you do give me some love!  
> -Vika

As soon as Jose stepped out the house and closed the door he broke down on the small porch crying. It was only for a moment because he didn't want Brock seeing him like this. He could cry but out of Brock's house's sight. The only place where he could go in Nashville was really Brock's house so he didn't know what to do untill he understood he had to call Danny. Danny was the only person beside Brock that he was close with  here and clearly Brock wasn't an option. He took his phone and dialed his number

"Hello Jose." Danny answered.

"Dan where are you? I need you to get me." Jose said while crying and walking away from Brock's house.

"What's wrong Jose? I'm at the bar. My shift for today is almost over." Danny was concerned he understood it was Brock related emedietly.

"Brock he..." Jose said not being able to say more without crying more then he was. 

"Where are you Jose?" Danny asked getting ready to leave the bar

"Almost at the bar" Jose said

"I'm going. Wait at the front door. " Danny said and hung up. 

"Amber, can you take care of the bar alone for the next 30 minutes untill the shift changes? Jose needs me right now." Danny asked in a hurry.

"Ofcourse, go. I will take care of it." Amber said. As soon as Danny heard that he ran and got his his stuff in a room behind the bar and ran outside to get Jose.  
Jose was outside the bar sitting on the ground pressed against the wall of the bar crying. 

"Jose! What happaned?“ Danny worriedly crouched to Jose's level. 

"Brock fucking cheated last night!" Jose answered clearly hurt and completely broken. Danny hugged him for comfort as soon as he heard it. He didn't know what to answer. He was shocked. He just allowed for Jose to cry in his arms for a while. After a while of sitting there Danny had to get Jose to come to his house. He needed rest. He got up and helped him up. He held Jose's hand while he took him to his place. He opened the door for Jose and got him inside. Jose sat down next to the kitchen table and Danny did the same on the opossite side of the table. 

Jose started talking and told Danny everything.  Danny was mind blown. He was shocked. So he couldn't say anything. They just sat there in silence

"Danny?“ Jose started after a moment of silence while looking down on the floor hands crossed on top of his stomach." Why? Why did he do that?  I get the distance is hard and everything but I thought we both trusted each other to the point where we knew we wouldn't cheat on each other. HE FUCKING KNOWS HOW DRAG SHOWS GET. He should have known it was nothing special. I just love him so much that it hurts so bad knowing he cheated." Jose said.  

"Would you be able to forgive him?" Danny asked out of nowhere. It just came out without thinking. 

Jose opened his mouth but nothing came out. He closed it and after another moment of silence Jose answered "I don't know to be honest. I know it's stupid but even now I miss him. It's hard." 

"It isn't stupid Jose. It's completely fine to miss him. You don't see him often as it is and now to find out he cheated while drunk last night. It's a lot. But I do know he loves you. He loves you with his whole heart. He cheated out of jealousy wich means he thought he lost you. From what you told he seemed to really regret what he did because of the way he has been acting."

Jose didn't answer he just sat there untill he needed fresh air. "I'll take a walk.  I need to clear my head. I have my phone with me. If I get lost or some shit I'll call you." saying that Jose got up from the seat and walked outside. 

Jose walked and he thought. He realized he is at some park after what felt like hours of walking. He needed to scream. So he took a big breath and screamed. He screamed again and again and again untill his lungs burned. His throat hurt. He felt some weight lifted of his shoulders but not all of it. The feeling that Brock had cheated still stinging in his heart wasn't leaving. How can I forgive him? Should I even forgive him. If he did it once wouldn't he do it again? I've been there where I've gotten cheated on twice from the same guy cuz I forgave him the first time around. Thoughts wondering around his mind he kept walking with hours passing by. 

 

***

 

After breaking down on the floor when Jose left him Brock had stayed there for lord knows how long. He cried. The tears having no off button. 

When Brock got himself together enough he got up and went to sit on the couch. He curled up in a ball at the corner of the couch still crying. 

He needed Jose. He couldn't be without him. Jose was his first boyfriend and he wanted it to stay like that. He wasn't even sure how did he go to the cheating but one thing was sure and that was the fact that he wouldn't even think of cheating again if Jose allows Brock back in his life.

He sat there as time went on, curled up in a ball and staring at the seeling. He tried to figure out ways to get Jose back. No idea was good enough. And that's because he couldn't erase what he did. Anger started boiling in him. He got up from the couch and started throwing things across the room. Breaking everything that he saw and could grab. He doesn't know how but his arm started bleeding at at some point aswell.

 

***

 

After Jose had left Danny's to go take a walk Danny knew he had to call Brock. He had to make sure Brock was not doing some stupid shit.  
He called Brock but no one answered.

He decided to go to Brock's place and see what's up. He texted Jose he is going for a walk himself and when Jose wants to go back to his place to call him.

Danny went outside and started walking to Brock's place hoping he wasn't doing anything stupid.

When Danny got to Brock's place he knocked on the door. There was no answer yet he saw the light was on. He knocked again and without getting an answer again he walked inside closing the door behind him. He stepped in the living room that was connected to the kitchen and saw one of the saddest scenes that he had seen in a long time. Things broken, dried blood on Brock's arms. Brock was curled up in a ball in the corner of the couch while hugging a hoodie. Probably Jose's. It looked like he had fallen asleep like that while crying. He walked over to Brock and crouched down infront of him. He put his arm on Brock's back.

"Brock?" Danny softly said.

Brock slightly moved and looked up. He saw Danny and and put his arms around him and started crying. 

"I fucked up so bad. God I miss him. How could I do something like this?" Brock mumbled in Danny's shoulder while crying. Danny's shirt was getting wet but he didn't really care. He just wanted his friends to get past this and be okay again. Seeing them like this sucked.

" I'll take care of your wounds and then you should go sleep in the bed Brock. Tomorrow is a new day. He will stay at my place give him some time. I'll talk to him and I'll tell him to come see you as soon as his head is somewhat cleared. You both need to talk."

Brock nodded in agreement and let go of Danny's hug. Danny got up and found the first aid kit in one of the cupboards in the kitchen. He came back and took Brock's arms to check for wounds. It was made by glass it seemed. He had several cuts all over his arms. The living room was a mess so he probably broke the glass along the other things. After Danny cleaned his wounds he helped him get up and with the the hoodie still in Brock's hands they went to the bedroom. Danny helped him get in bed and sat on the side of the bed untill Brock fell asleep with hugging the hoodie.

"That for sure is Jose's hoodie. I can smell the cologne he uses." Danny smiled as he got up. It was reassuring that Brock still loved Jose and he cheated only out of jealousy and alcohol. He went back to the living room and picked up the glass that was scattered around the living room. He cleaned more untill Jose called him saying that he is headed back. After cleaning many of the broken things he had to go and take care of Jose now.

 

***

 

After walking for a long time Jose knew he had to talk to Brock again. Long distance was very hard and Brock gets jealous. Less then Jose. If only Jose would see a video like that with Brooke Lynn grinding on a guy. He would rage himself.

It was 4 am by now so he called Danny and told that he is headed back to his place.

I'm the middle of going to Danny's place he decided he rather would go back to Brock's place. As stupid as it is. He just needed Brock. He needed to cry out all he hurt in Brock's protective arms. He needed Brock and Brock needed him. Jose called Danny.

"Hey Dan. I decided to go back to Brock's. I just need to. It's better for me and him I think." Jose said.

"Ofcourse. I was at his place when I said I headed for a walk. He broke manytm things in the living room but I tried to clean most of it. So don't be too shocked about it." Danny said making sure Jose knew what to expect.

Jose was kind of shocked to hear that because he has never thought of Brock like an agressive person. He has never even seen Brock destroy stuff when in a mood.

"Okay. Thank you Danny, for everything." Jose said.

"No problem Jose" Danny said and hung up.

By the end of the call Jose approached Brock's place and walked inside. He saw the living room. It was still a mess even tho Danny cleaned most of it. He walked to the bedroom and saw Brock sleeping while cuddling his hoodie. His heart dropped. 

"Gosh I love this man so much" Jose said in a whisper. He took his shoes, shirt and shorts off and got inside the bed  next to Brock.

Brock stirred and saw Jose.

"Jose. I love you I'm so sorry." Brock said in a soft voice.

Jose allowed himself to be swallowed in Brock big arms and cried. He cried because it hurt. It hurt that Brock cheated like a knife stabbed inside a chest would feel. 

Seeing Jose like this brought tears to Brock. He just hugged Jose cried with him and whispered how sorry he was on a loop in Jose's hair.


	4. I need to be alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The song lyrics this chapter is based on:  
> "I need to be alone  
> Or I'm gonna lose my shit"  
> \- I Need To Be Alone - Girl in red

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone.  
> Sorry it took me so long but here I am with a new chapter.  
> I hope you like it and if you do give me some love!  
> -Vika
> 
> P.S sorry if there are some grammatical mistakes.

The morning was sunny. The sun had touched Jose's eyes so he was slowly waking up. When he opened his eyes he saw Brock sitting on the side of the bed hugging his legs in a ball with his chin on his knees. He was staring at the floor. Jose wanted to say somthing but no words were coming out his mouth. His heart still hurt but Jose saw how broken Brock was. He looked way more pale than usual and skinner aswell.  
A question hit Jose like a brick. "When was the last time Brock had eaten?" Jose thought.

"Brock?" Jose softly asked "When was the last time you ate?"

"I'm not sure." Brock answered so quietly with a raspy voice. It had been obviously he had cried recelty because Jose also heard a sniffling noise after that answer. 

"I'll make some breakfast" Jose said as he was getting up and walking getting ready to go to the kitchen. 

"You don't have to. I don't want to eat." Brock answered while turning his head towards where Jose was. 

"No. I will make breakfast and you will eat."  Jose said as he left to the kitchen. Brock knew it was out of question because Jose had his serious voice on.

Brock's night had been terrible. He got up and walked outside to have a cigarette. The fifth one of the day already. He loved having Jose next to him but it felt wrong because of what he had done. "How does he make this better?" He thought.

Meanwhile Jose made some breakfast. He was done pretty fast so he took the plates and walked to the bedroom to see that Brock was outside smoking. He went outside and put the plates on the table. One infront of Brock. 

"Here you go." Jose said. 

As soon as Brock saw Jose put the plate infront of him he put his arm up so he could hide the hickeys on his chest and neck since he didn't have a shirt on. Jose noticed this.

"Don't hide them it won't change the fact that they are there Brock" Jose said and sat on the opposite side of the table where his own plate had been put and started eating

Brock stopped and froze for a second when he heard Jose say that. He is right. Brock threw the cigarette inside the cup of water and took the fork next to his plate. He started playing with his food while looking down at the plate.

"You have to eat Brock" Jose said when he noticed that Brock was just playing with his food. Brock looked up at him and a small smile formed his lips for a short period of time. Jose did the same when he noticed Brock did it. It warmed Brock's heart a little. Brock looked back down at his plate and finally put a peace of food in his mouth and started chewing it.

When Jose made sure Brock was eating he continued eating his own food.

When both of them had finished the food Jose took the plates back to the kitchen to wash them. He decided to take a shower since he hadn't in a while because of the stuff that had happaned so he took some change of clothes out of his suitcase and walked to the bathroom.

Brock was still outside smoking yet another cigarette thinking about the nightmare he had last night. In the nightmare he lost Jose after Brock cheated again. Brock knew he loved Jose but what if this happaned again? Meaning what if he would get jealous about something dumb again and then he would get so drunk he would cheat again. He was scared. He really was because he doesn't want to cheat on Jose again. Now Brock realized how people who blame alcohol after they cheat feel. And it wasn't a nice feeling at all.

"I need a cold shower." Brock said to himself after he finished his cigarette. He walked inside and went to the bathroom. When he opened the door he saw a scene wich normally would be considered normal since they both are boyfriends still. But now it hit Brock in the face. And his face was completely red in seconds but it was not only his face that worked at the scene but also his lower region organ. The last time they had sex was a while ago when they last saw eachother in Florida. So it was no surprise that Brock's body reacted like this. But it made Brock feel terrible knowing Jose instead of getting Brock to help him with this was helping himself. "Ofcourse Jose didn't want to be intimate with me after I cheated" Brock thought 

Jose noticed the door open and he saw Brock through the reflection of the mirror and he froze. He saw Brock's face go red as a beetroot

"I'm sorry." Brock quickly said and closed the door loudly because it was so fast as he rushed back to the backyard for a new cigarette. He lit the cigarette. He was shaking. He slowly steadied his breathing and calmed down.

"Brock are you okay?“ Jose said as he finally decided to go outside after looking at Brock from the bedroom for minutes after what happaned in the bathroom.

Brock turned in Jose's direction to look at him. Brock's eyes started filling up with tears. He put the cigarette out. 

"No." Brock answered as he sat down on one of the chairs. He calmed down again before he started talking.  
"It feels terrible knowing you didn't ask me to help with your needs like you normally would when we are in the same city. And I know it's because of what I did but it still hurts. We haven't been intimate God knows for how long and we have been in the same city for 2 days. By now if I hadn't fucked up we would have had sex many times. Gosh I'm so stupid." Brock said with his head in his palms.

Jose stepped closer and put a hand on Brock's shoulder.  
"Brock listen I want to be with you. I know how sorry you are. I'm trying to forgive you I really am but it's just not easy. I'm not there yet. With that said I still love you and I know you love me too. So we'll get through this." Jose said as he crouched down infront of Brock. 

Brock looked at Jose and pulled him in a hug on top of his lap. It felt good knowing Jose thinks that they'll get through it.

"I'm not done talking tho." Jose said still in Brock's lap.

"We spend this day together since my flight is tomorrow morning. But then I go and we need to be separate for a while. I need to be alone or I'll lose my shit because I need time to forgive you. I go do my shows and you do yours. And we don't text eachother or face time, none of that. Only if it's an emergency. Okay?"

Brock's face dropped. It was hard being separate enough but now even no texting or facetiming. But he had to agree to it. Jose is giving him another chance he needs time to forgive him they need this to fix what he broke. He looked back up at Jose. 

And said "Okay."

Jose hugged Brock again and they stayed like that for a while. 

"Jose?" Brock asked

"Yes? “ Jose answered back. 

"Can we go watch Game of Thrones?" 

Jose laughed. To him Brock was this the funniest person he knew. 

They got up and went to the bedroom to watch Game of thrones. 

Brock forgot about everything that moment. All he cared about was having Jose next to him and spending time with him for now. He wasn't really even paying much attention to Game Of Thrones episodes. He just hugged Jose and stared at him.

Jose noticed but he didn't comment on it.

That's how they spent the rest of their day. Cuddled up on the bed and watching TV shows untill Brock fell asleep while hugging Jose.

Jose didn't want to wake Brock but he had to move out of his embrace to pack his luggage and take another quick shower so he could sleep longer before his flight tomorrow. So that's what he did.

After that he took his phone and set up the alarm for 5 am. And got under the sheets next to Brock. Like always it's like Brock has a magic power to radiate towards Jose because in seconds he was holding Jose. Jose smiled and pecked Brock's forhead before falling asleep.

***

The alarm woke both Jose and Brock up. Brock was having none of it. He wanted to sleep more and Jose saw that. 

"Hey you can stay home and sleep okay. I'll take a taxi to the airport. You seem very tired." Jose said as he was starting to get out of bed slowly while trying to wake himself up. 

"No I'll take you. I want to." Brock said rubbing his eyes. He sat up in the bed and tried to wake up more. 

"Okay then." Jose said while trying to figure out what to wear. He saw the hoodie that Brock had taken from his luggage that night. So he took it and was about to put it on when Brock stopped him.

"Hey wait can you please leave it here? That's if you are okay with that." Brock asked anxiously.

Jose understood so he just smiled and said "sure."

After they both got dressed they took Jose's luggage and took it to the car. After both of them were seated in the front Brock taking the drivers seat they started the drive to the airport. They made some small talk talking about their next gigs but that was mostly it untill Jose spoke up when they were minutes away from the airport.

"So Brock for the rules that we have. No texting, no calling no nothing. Unless it's an emergency like I mentioned  yesterday okay?"

"What about social media? Fans will notice." Brock asked.

"Well we can comment on our Instagram posts or respond to eacother tweets so they don't suspect anything." Jose said looking at Brock.

Brock turned to look at Jose as if he wanted to ask something but he pushed it away and continued focusing on the driving. They finally approached the airport. Both of them got out of the car. Brock took Jose's luggage out of the back of his car.

"So this is it for now huh?" Brock said looking down on the ground trying hard to avoid Jose's eyes.

"Hey" Jose said and stepped over to Brock and took his hands. " this will be good for us. I promise as soon as I'm ready I'll let you know. I just need this time to learn to trust you again and forgive you. 

"I love you Jose" Brock said and hugged Jose. He breathed in Jose's scent and let go. He was about to walk back to the driver's seat when Jose stopped him and pecked his lips. It was fast and light but it really made Brock feel better and less worried.

"Love you too Brock" Jose said after the peck and started walking with his luggage to the airport entrance.

Brock got back in his car and started driving back home. It was a good drive. It cleared his head a bit and allowed him to forget about all the bad shit in his life for a minute. When he got back home he made sure his cats had food and water and went back to bed. He put on the oversized Jose hoodie and layed down in the bed on the side where Jose had slept. He was about to fall asleep when he felt both of his cats cuddling on the right side of his stomach. Brock turned to be on his side so he could cuddle both of them and within minutes fell asleep.


	5. Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *WARNING*
> 
> SOME MINOR MENTIONS OF SELF HARM. IF THAT AFFECTS YOU. DON'T READ THIS. EVEN THO IT'S MINOR I DONT WANTT YOU TO BE BADLY AFFECTED.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone. I'M BACK! I'm sorry I haven't been posting but that's just me trying to figure out what to write. I've been trying to figure out what to write next since at the end of May. I was working the whole summer so I didn't really have the time but I am back with a new chapter. THIS TIME THO. No song reference because this chapter was written for months while listening to many songs
> 
> P. S idk when the next update will be but I will do as soon as possible for me. And I think it will be the last chapter most probably.  
> \- Vika

The last time Brock saw Jose was at the airport and since then it's been 2 and a half months. To be exact 2 months 17 days and 9 hours. They haven't talked since. Brock was hurting but he did what Jose asked him to do and that's no texts or communication untill he was ready. Their social media interactions also on the bare minimum with a emoji comment under eacothers posts. Currently Brock was at a bar drinking. Like he has been doing quite often. Danny has been trying to take care of him as much as possible even when he was in different cities texting Brock making sure he isn't doing anything bad. Right now Danny was bartending giving as less alcohol to Brock as possible trying to get him home but Brock just kept saying "This is the last shot and I'm going home."  

"Brock. You have a tour coming up next week with other queens. You need to start getting ready. Do you even know wich numbers you'll be doing?" Danny asked concerned knowing that Brooke Lynn has a tour coming up at wich there will be many drag race queens including Vanessa. 

"Danny I have time don't stress it." Brock said taking his shot. 

Since Brock and Jose last saw eacother Brock has changed. The hope of Jose contacting him fell lower and lower each day. Brock started drinking a lot. 

Thoughts of" What if Jose has moved on and found someone else? " occupying his mind often. 

Danny has seen Brock's arms. Brock has been desperatly trying to hide it from everyone around him wearing long sleeves in and out of drag. Nina contacting Danny and asking about it with Danny saying that he is trying to help Brock but that he has not been listening. Nina coming for visits more often making sure that his friend is somewhat okay. Nina's and Brooke Lynn's season 11 sisters hearing about it except for Vanessa. When Plastique and Brooke had a show together with few other queens Plastique had seen his arm and asked about it but Brock just brushed it off saying that it was an accident and that it wouldn't happen again. Brock doesn't think it's a problem but deep down he knows he should stop. He hasn't been doing as many gigs as he used to and has started to fall off his professional track.

"Hey Jamie. Take care of the last hour of my sift, would you?" Danny saying to the other bartender of the Night.

"Ofcourse. Get him home."  Jamie understanding emedietly why Danny had asked him for help. As soon as Danny heard that he smiled as a thank you to Jamie and walked outside from the bar counter over to Brock.

"Let's take you home" Danny said putting and arm around Brock's shoulder.

"BUT I don't want to." Brock said in his a little more than tipsy voice.

"We are going and there is no way you can get out of this." Danny said getting Brock to stand up. Without any more protests they started walking towards the door and towards Brock's home.

At Brock's home Danny got Brock to go to sleep and then took his place on the couch. Brock's place had pretty much become his second home. With many of his clothes there because of the taking Brock home and staying over to make sure he's okay type thing.

Danny texted Andrew(Nina's out of drag name) saying that Brock was home safe in bed emedietly getting a response back with a how bad has it been question. 

"Same old but I hope the tour at the end of the week will fix many things between him and Jose" Danny texted back then putting his phone down to go to sleep.

***

Brock woke up with a headaching hungover. It has become an often type of a thing for him.

Brock got up and went to take a shower taking his time to just stand under the shower head. After he got out he put on his boxers, shorts and a t-shirt and went to his living room knowing that Danny would be there like always.

Danny was still asleep so he looked into the fridge and made some breakfast for Danny knowing he would be hungry.

***  
Danny started waking up as soon as he felt the food smell and went to the kitchen.

"Good Morning." Said Brock while putting the food in the plate.

"Morning Brock." Danny responded while Brock put the plate infront of his face.

"Thank you. How about your food?" Danny asked concerned, while looking at Brock.

"I'm not hungry. I ate before you woke up." Brock lied. He didn't want Danny to worry for nothing. He was just not hungry.

Danny knew but he let it slide. He knew pushing Brock to eat wouldn't help.  
After eating Danny washed his plate and went to check on Brock who was smoking outside. 

"Hey. So you know what costumes you need for the tour or not?" Danny asked as he saw Brock sitting on a chair smoking. 

"Mostly yes, I guess. Just don't know what numbers I will lip sync to. I'll figure it out by tomorrow and send the songs to the organizer today. My flight is tomorrow morning." Brock said before taking a puff of his cigarete. 

"Why so early? Isn't the first show on Tuesday?" 

"It is I just wanna get ready and stuff to like see him."

Danny emedietly understood why. He wanted to see Jose. But before that he needed to mentally prepare himself. But Danny also knew that Jose was flying in on Monday too. Because he has some other business wich means they might run into eacother at the hotel earlier than Brock is ready. 

"Well make sure you are prepared to see him already as soon as you land incase."  Danny said taking Brock hand for comfort. 

Brock didn't respond he just nodded. After a moment of silence Brock spoke

"Well you should probably go. I will figure out my shit and pack my stuff." Brock said as he got up. 

They walked to the front door and hugged. 

"Take care of youself Brock. And please text me if you need to talk."

"I will. Thank you for everything Dan." Brock smiles and closed the door behind Danny. 

"This is gonna be a long fucking month." Brock said to himself as he walked to his bedroom to start packing his stuff. 

 

***

 

Jose had just signed in his hotel after having a meeting with tours management right after landing. He went to the evalaitor and got up to the 9th floor where his room was located in.  Got his luggage inside and laid Down on the bed to check his social media. He went on Twitter and saw a tweet from Brooke Lynn that said that he had just landed in London. 

"Why is he, here so early." Jose thought to himself. "Business maybe."

Since they last saw eacother Jose has been thinking about Brock everyday. He has been trying to forgive Brock and trying to just deal with the dissapointment he had in Brock for cheating on him. It hurt and it hurt a lot but that didn't mean he hadn't been missing Brock. He missed him like crazy and frankly he knows that they should finally talk and thta Jose should text him. He has forgiven Brock but the trust still needs to be earned back but the only way to do that was seeing how Brock is when they are fully back together again. He went in the message app on his phone, found Brock's name and started composing a message. 

To:Twinkle Toes Brock🧡  
"Hey what room are you in?“

 

Brock heard a message notification when he came out of the shower. Still in a towel around his waist

His eyes widened seeing it was from Jose.

From:Jose🧡  
"Hey what room are you in?“

He emedietly answered. 

Jose saw Brock typing and got the answer he needed. 

From:Twinkle Toes Brock 🧡  
" Room 384"

How funny is it that his rooms is next to mine Jose thought. He got up and took a quick shower before he headed out to the neighbors room. 

Brock heard a knock on his door that brought him out of his thoughts after staring at his phone for the last 10 minutes while still standing in the middle of the room with a towel around his waist waiting for Jose to answer the message. 

He opened the door. And there he was. The same as he remembers him. As good looking as ever. 

"Hey" Jose said with a shy smile looking at Brock for the first time in 2 and a half months. 

"Hi." Brock answered and formed a small smile. Before motioning for Jose to come in.


End file.
